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Friday, November 25, 2005

Identifying the Idiots 


Environmental Republican wrote the following on Monday:


The Kyoto Protocols have served the worlds purpose and look as though they are in their death throes. While doing nothing for the environment, they've given the socialist nations and organizations of the world a club with which to whack the US....

And here's two idiots who obviously didn't get the memo.



Environmental Republican then links to the two idiots. Let's start with the second:


I've got a nifty fun fact for you: Every three and a half minutes, on average, someone dies partly because of global warming....

Here's the thing that really makes me crazy: George Bush, besides having the gall to question whether global warming even exists, is among the TMAs (Total Major Assholes) who oppose the Kyoto Protocols because of the presumed negative impact on American businesses. Need I say it? -- Screw American businesses! We're talking about a PLANET here!



The other idiot? Guess who.


Your Ontario Vineyard Village Association has not been idle. We have called for a ban on businesses in the Fourth and Vineyard area. We have proposed that winds come from the south, rather than from the north, until toxic businesses go away. And, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association has also proposed "the decommissioning of all roads within one mile of Fourth and Vineyard, including Fourth Street, Vineyard Avenue, and U.S. Interstate 10."

But even those measures, if adopted, would not preserve the residential character of the community. It's time to ban fossil fuels completely....



So, for the benefit of Environmental Republican and others, I need to reiterate why the Ontario Vineyard Village Association is necessary. Basically, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association must go forward in those instances in which the Ontario Mountain Village Association does not go far enough. You'll recall that the Ontario Mountain Village Association objects to the proposed presence of a Wal Mart in northwest Ontario. Here's what I previously said about that:


So, based upon their objections to Wal-Mart, here's what the Ontario Mountain Village Assocation wants to happen to the space:
  • Any business that will draw "additional traffic, noise, and trash" into northwest Ontario is not welcome. Preferably the stores that open in the space would cater to people who walk to the stores - and walk very quietly.

  • The businesses that open in this area will not sell any goods that are made in China.

  • The businesses that open in this area should not attract a criminal element. I am, of course, assuming that "criminal element" is not a code word meaning "No niggers or spics in the community" - they want to keep all criminals out, regardless of race or age. Oliver North, stay away. Ex-Enron executives, stay away.

So, over the next few days, I will conduct an intense search (aided by O.J. Simpson) to find a business that meets the implied demands of the Ontario Mountain Village Association.



I wrote this on October 23. Later that same day, I discovered that one of the principals of the Ontario Mountain Village Association operated a business (City Rentals) in a residential area, and that said business was listed in a "Summary Report of Hazardous Waste and Sewage Spill Incidents."

The competing organization, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association, just grew from there. For example, it issued the following press release (which you may not have seen, since it was posted in an infrequently-accessed blog):


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

ONTARIO VINEYARD VILLAGE ASSOCATION PROPOSES REVOLUTIONARY TRAFFIC CALMING SOLUTION
Proponents Certain that Federal Approval of Interstate 10 Shutdown Will Be Provided “Swiftly”

GUASTI, CA – October 24 2005 - In an unprecedented move in the traffic calming industry, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association (OVVA) has proposed a revolutionary idea to reduce traffic congestion concerns in northeast Ontario.

According to Ontario Emperor, Third Vice President of the Association, “Our organization and fellow organizations have been struggling with the traffic issue. For example, the Ontario Mountain Village Association is on record as stating that new businesses should not increase traffic or attract a criminal element. However, the OMVA’s headquarters region itself is wracked with problems affecting nearby residential areas, including a hazardous waste situation that was not reported for six days.

“Miniscule measures might offer some protection to Fourth and Vineyard residents, but only a comprehensive solution will offer the maximum benefit.”

The OVVA’s “comprehensive solution” involves the decommissioning of all roads within one mile of Fourth and Vineyard, including Fourth Street, Vineyard Avenue, and U.S. Interstate 10.

“Traditional traffic calming just doesn’t do the job,” according to the Emperor. “It only results in minor damage to the cars that try to beat it. We need something that stops the cars dead in their tracks.”

The OVVA will engage in vicious attacks on those who believe its solution is too extreme. “It’s for the children,” said the Emperor in an insincerely emotional voice.

Ontario Vineyard Village Association
c/o KOER Synthetica Radio 87.1 MHz
1 Empire Way Suite 2525
Guasti, CA 91743

###



I am shocked that the so-called Environmental Republican would ban "progress."

From the Ontario Empoblog (Latest OVVA news here)

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