Have you ever engaged in poor pre-release publicity?
Yowza. Hot Librarian links to a Radar Online post that lists sample questions from Scientology's "SEC Whole Track" questionnaire:
The internal church document was developed by Scientology founder and onetime science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard for use during “auditing” sessions—you know, the ones designed to identify your trapped “thetans.”
The “thetans,” or alien ghosts, were implanted in earth’s volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us. New recruits like Katie Holmes, or “preclears,” answer the questions while hooked up to an E-meter—a crude, polygraph-like contraption—as a Church-sanctioned auditor records the subject’s responses for further expensive inquiry.
Well, after extensive spurious research, I have uncovered Tom Cruise's most recent answers to some of the questions. (I guess he was taking a refresher course or something.)
• Have you driven anyone insane?
"Only myself, in my recent appearance on Oprah."
• Have you systematically set up mysteries?
"Yes, an extensive mystery regarding my sexuality and the honesty in my relationships."
• Have you ever gone crazy?
"Yes. See Oprah."
• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
"Does dating a women with herpes count?"
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