Ontario Empoblog

This is Worse Than the Full Monty
No, Estephania and I do not know each other at all. I know that she probably owns more heavy coats than I do (because of where she lives), but that's about it in terms of personal knowledge.

Yet we inadvertently torture each other.

I unknowingly tortured her by posting this innocent little comment to her post "Happy Hour Disclosures." (Remember the time when the woman told Estephania that she was a gay man trapped in a woman's body? You don't? Well, you should.) So, in the course of writing about women who like sports, I stated the following:

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Many of my blog hits from search engines are from fans of female sportscaster Krystal Fernandez (although I'm not sure that they like her because of her winning percentage of Monday Night Football picks).

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All of this was written on December 5. By December 23, all hell had broken loose:

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Who is Krystal Fernandez and why for the last few days have all my Google search been on whether she is gay? I find it highly unlikely that I've ever blogged about someone who I've never even heard of. What is UP with Google?

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Thanks to the quick detective work of Matthew, it was deduced that the presence of the words "Krystal Fernandez" and "gay" in the same post caused Googlers to stream to Estephania's blog, much in the same way that the Jennifer Hawkins wardrobe malfunction resulted in a blog hit explosion for Estephania's friend who happens to be named Jennifer. As I noted on December 25, the huge interest in the words "Krystal Fernandez gay" resulted from a Fox Sports Radio sound bite in which Krystal said, "I am a gay woman!" OK, is that straight?

So I inadvertenly tortured Estephania. Now she has inadvertently tortured me by alerting me to the CNN caption that read, "EXPERTS AGREE: AL QUEDA LEADER IS DEAD OR ALIVE." Most people who saw the picture focused on the shortcomings of the electronic media. But not Estephania. No sirree. She wouldn't do the things the way those people do. She wouldn't live there even if you paid her to. Inasmuch as her blog is named after the chorus of an 80s song, trust Estephania to say the following:

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The latest on Bin Laden. Check this out.

He's wanted (wanted)...Dead or Alive...

(Sorry. Couldn't resist).

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No, she couldn't.

This resulted in my "Cowboy in Pakistan" meandering, which I posted at 8:08pm Pacific time last night.

Well, ever since last night I haven't been able to get the Bon Jovi song "Wanted Dead or Alive" out of my head.

It's not that I don't like the song - I do. There's something about "Wanted..." and "It's My Life" and some other Bon Jovi anthems that stirs the dude tendencies in my soul. This would be fine if I was sitting in the high school bleachers, but is not good in a corporate work environment. Am I supposed to play Richie Sambora air guitar in my cubicle? Post Heather Locklear posters? Grow long blond hair like Jon?

And it gets into outside work mental activities also. I have a number of things that, for one reason or another, I need to memorize. Deuteronomy chapter 6 verses 4 and 5. Leviticus chapter 19 verse 18. The Doctor's lines in Big River.



But instead, I'm thinking about learning this:

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...I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive
wanted dead or alive

I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back
I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall
I've seen a million faces
And I've rocked them all...

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