How to Research a California Proposition
California is holding its general election in November, along with everyone else in the United States (unless Guam does something funny). At the same time that we're all going to vote for Kerry, we'll be considering a number of statewide propositions. PDF copies of the voter guide discussing these proposition are available here (www.voterguide.ss.ca.gov). There are two books - one with 168 pages, the other with 24 additional pages - that are jam-packed with information.
Must of this information can be safely ignored, and I'm going to tell you how.
To illustrate, let's consider the fake proposition 999, the Happy Puppies Initiative. For each proposition, there are several pieces of information. First comes the "Official Title and Summary," prepared by the Attorney General. For our fake proposition, it might start off as follows:
Animal Control. Modifications. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.
Requires local animal control agencies to dispense mind-altering medications to animals....
Bla bla bla bla. Don't bother to read this. It will put you to sleep.
This is followed by the "Analysis by the Legislative Analyst":
Animals first arrived in California in the prehistoric era, and have been widely distributed through California for centuries. It is believed that the Native Americans who originally inhabited California felt no need to institute dog pounds, primarily because....
Bla bla bla bla. Don't read this. It's worse than the stuff by the Attorney General.
This is followed by the "Argument in Favor of Proposition 999." You can safely ignore this, since it's a bunch of lies. You can also ignore the "Argument Against Proposition 999," usually at the top of the following page.
If you're a real masochist, you can find the text of the proposed proposition. I happen to have a masochistic pleasure in trying to look at this, but I usually can only read two paragraphs before my eyes glaze over.
Look at the bottom of each of the "Argument" pages, however, and you'll see the "Rebuttal to Argument in Favor of Proposition 999" and the "Rebuttal to Argument Against Proposition 999." The "Rebuttals" are the only parts of the voter's guide that you need to read. These short passage encapsulate everything you need to know about the proposition, including stuff that most people won't tell you. For example, if I print the rebuttals to the arguments for and against my fake Happy Puppies Initiative, you'll get a good feel for the proposition itself. Plus, the rebuttals are always entertaining.
REBUTTAL TO ARGUMENT IN FAVOR OF PROPOSITION 999
The proponents of Proposition 999 claim that their proposition will result in happy puppies, an increase in productivity, and a resulting surplus in tax revenues that can be used to buy swimming pools for every family in California. Nothing could be further from the truth.
PROPOSITION 999 WILL NOT RESULT IN HAPPY PUPPIES. The so-called "research" was funded by a murky organization called "Pfizer," whose CFO has a brother who ate in a restaurant owned by a woman whose nephew boarded a plane with Kenneth Lay. It's clear that another scandal is brewing, and California doesn't need any of that.
In reality, the sole purpose of this proposition is to INCREASE GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRACY and FUNNEL STATE FUNDS TO CORRUPT EAST COAST UNION OFFICIALS. With no review of how the money is spent, the well-respected Bill Harvey Society estimates that 86.4% of all funds collected by this proposition will be funneled directly to Swiss bank accounts managed by liberal Europeans who are endangering our troops in Iraq.
In June 2004, a three year old American girl on vacation in Israel was shot and killed by terrorists. If Proposition 999 passes, this cycle of violence and death will be repeated every day, in every major city on earth.
A broad-based coalition of teachers, firefighters, major league baseball players, and ministers agree - VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION 999!
EDWARD CROSS, President
California Division, Slim Whitman Appreciation Society
BILL HARVEY, President, CFO, and Chief Research Officer
Bill Harvey Society for Research and Stamp Collecting
MARTHA STEWART, Typical American Housewife
REBUTTAL TO ARGUMENT AGAINST PROPOSITION 999
These naysayers deserve a violent, painful death, just like the deaths that their forefathers gave to Protestants during the Renaissance.
Apparently these sick weirdos don't like happy puppies. They like emaciated dogs with rabies and a violent temper, spreading disease and devastation in your neighborhood.
But it's not surprising that they feel like this, considering that they are all atheists who believe the earth is flat and that women and people of color should be forced to watch "Leave It To Beaver" until they change their ways.
For their sick reasons, they oppose this proposition.
However, 99% OF ALL SENTIENT BEINGS IN THIS SOLAR SYSTEM COMPLETELY SUPPORT THIS PROPOSITION. Portions of this proposition have been endorsed by American Hero Rudy Guiliani, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, Mikhail Gorbachev, Ronald Reagan, 98% of all long-distance truck drivers, and the entire nation of Australia, including MISS UNIVERSE JENNIFER HAWKINS.
VOTE YES FOR HAPPY PUPPIES, SMILING FRECKLE-FACED KIDS, AND HUMAN EMPOWERMENT!
GEORGE W. BUSH
President of the United States
JOHN F. KERRY
Senator, State of Massachusetts
SUN MYUNG MOON
Lord of the Second Advent
MARTHA STEWART
Typical American Housewife
This example only exaggerates slightly. The rebuttals are a bunch of nasty statements, interspersed with wild utopian claims, that make the Edwards-Cheney debate sound like a lovefest.
If you read the rebuttals, you'll save a lot of time preparing to vote this November.
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