I Need To Cheer Myself Up Now
Here's the story of someone who joined a racist group, then got out:
TJ Leyden: "I grew up in a close-knit Catholic family in Fontana, California. My mother has described us as 'Middle America' - a working class, well disciplined household... When I was 15 years old, my parents divorced. This left me angry, lonely and most important, vulnerable. On weekends, I would escape the shouting in my home by running off to concerts where I could vent my rage by slam dancing and fighting. I could release anger against people and they wouldn't care...
I now realize that I was the perfect target for neo-Nazi recruitment. Members of the white supremacy movement look for young, angry kids who need a family. I thought these were good guys, that I was being patriotic. I believed we were cleaning up America by drinking and fighting."...
In his early twenties, while serving in the Marines, Leyden...was enlisted by Tom Metzger and his group. "I dedicated most of my time to recruiting new and young followers for the Aryan movement. I targeted junior high schools in particular by instigating fights between white and non-white kids. Often I used the tactic of asking the white kids, "Shouldn't there be a group for you?"...
Leyden married a woman who was part of the hate movement. Together they had two children. He recalls, "Our marriage began to fall apart and I found myself in emotional turmoil. Our two sons kept me from hitting the edge. They also made me re-think the value of my involvement with the neo-Nazi movement... I thought of the saying we often hear in the movement: 'You don't want the weekend patriot - you want his kid.' I realized that my sons will some day become members of the Order and murder people based on their skin color, religion or sexual preference. My kids will be sacrificed due to my example - that idea hurts. All the stuff that I had been perpetuating was coming out in my son. He's not going to be a doctor finding a cure for cancer. He's not going to be a lawyer on the Supreme Court. He's going to be a mindless bum beating people....
Leyden...understands how frightening it can be to leave the movement. "I realize my actions have put my family at risk. We frequently receive obscene phone calls, but I refuse to let these threats scare me. I was involved in this and I know things happen. I am prepared for things to come back my way. Skinheads love to hate. They feed on anger. When you're in the movement, you don't care about how much pain you inflict on anybody."
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