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Saturday, March 18, 2006

The Missing Ingredient - Iron Chef Xenu 

Alton Brown's Rants & Raves is cached. It's duplicated. But it's gone:

Alton Brown has new digs over at AltonBrown.com....It's very pretty, and has a couple of nice features....

Notably missing, however, is the blog. Under the previous site design, Alton had kept a journal which was updated infrequently - but still made me deliriously happy. A month ago, or so, I noticed he'd put up a sad-looking post explaining that he'd turned off comments and stopped asking for photos when some people sent him nasty and offensive stuff. I can only imagine the removal of the blog was a way to remove the man a layer or two from his unbalanced fanbase. It seems a little whole-hog to take away the blog entirely, though - you couldn't do it with comments turned off, Alton?

Here's a sampling of Alton's posts, sourced from here and here:

Sunday, July 18, 2004
I just saw the movie “Supersize Me” and I have to say that I liked it. It was fun, irreverent film making on a shoestring and it’s good to know that filmmakers can still pull that sort of thing off.

What shocked me about the movie wasn’t what it said. Heck I already knew most of that stuff. What shocked me were the gasps I heard from the audience, most of whom seemed generally surprised that big business could be so … well … business like.

Here’s what it comes down to kids. Ronald McDonald doesn’t give a damn about you. Neither does that little minx Wendy or any of the other icons of drivethroughdom. And you know what, they’re not supposed to. They’re businesses doing what businesses do. They don’t love you. They are not going to laugh with you on your birthdays, or hold you when you’re sick and sad. They won’t be with you when you graduate, when your children are born or when you die. You will be with you and your family and friends will be with you. And, if you’re any kind of human being, you will be there for them. And you know what, you and your family and friends are supposed to provide you with nourishment too. That’s right folks, feeding someone is an act of caring. We will always be fed best by those that care, be it ourselves or the aforementioned friends and family.

We are fat and sick and dying because we have handed a basic, fundamental and intimate function of life over to corporations. We choose to value our nourishment so little that we entrust it to strangers. We hand our lives over to big companies and then drag them to court when the deal goes bad. This is insanity.

Feed yourselves.
Feed your loved ones.
And for God’s sake feed your children.

Don’t trust anyone else to do it … not anyone. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out to dinner every now and then … that is after all one of the great joys of life … but it isn’t life itself and that’s what I’m talking about.

Is MacDonalds food bad for you? What do you think? Does that mean you shouldn’t eat it? No, it just means you shouldn’t live on it or anything else made by someone you wouldn’t hug.

Burgers don’t kill people.
People kill people.
Don’t be one of them.


posted by Alton Brown, 8:08 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Sad though I am at the passing of the best food teacher who ever lived, you have to envy Julia for how she lived and ultimately how she passed. She was a fine example of a person who lived life absolutely to the fullest and yet always gave back. She gave birth to the modern American cook, to TV cooks, and one might argue, American food in general. She was and always will be our Queen Mother and our den mother, a perfect blend of fun, passion, style and knowledge all wrapped up in a willing self-depreciation that made us all feel a little better about dropping that chicken on the floor.

Porland [sic] OR
August 17

posted by Alton Brown, 7:09 AM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Well I’ve received a few nasty emails regarding my chili. It seems that some of you have decided that chili must follow a specific course of construction and that it must also contain, and not contain certain ingredients. Some of you seem very heated on this subject. I can offer no real defense for my actions other than to quote Theodore Roosevelt:

“Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.”

If that thought-provoking line doesn’t calm your overwrought culinary sensibilities, then try this one from Flo down at Mel’s Diner.

“Kiss my grits.”

Yesir, I’d say that ‘bout sums it up. And if ya don't like it ye can git yer own dang cookin' show.

San Francisco
August 20, 2004

posted by Alton Brown, 10:01 PM
Sunday, September 05, 2004
I have decided to move from the planet. I’m sorry but I simply cannot remain on a world where Paris Hilton is allowed to publish “memoirs”. The real clincher is that people will buy it, and read it … and think it wonderful and insightful and that “That poor girl just can’t find … whatever.”

I can only hope that the beams will cross and she’ll end up on Dr. Phil so that my vision of hell can become complete. Actually, for that to happen John Tesh would have to be the musical guest.

posted by Alton Brown, 6:37 PM
Friday, November 05, 2004
Between a Grit and a hard place

I wish to apologize to any and all southerners who might have caught our True Grits episode the other night. Why? Because a short but crucial scene got lost in the edit and I’ll be darned if I can find where I put it. The scene in question dealt with the issue of hominy grits which are not the same as plain old grits. Hominy grits are made from hominy, a form of dent or field corn which is treated with an alkali such as lye before drying and milling. The resulting chemical changes inside the corn manifest themselves in a gruel that never gets totally creamy. Hominy grits are in fact “grittier” than other grits. But they are not the only grits out there. Many reputable firms such as Bob’s Red Mill market the same product as grits and polenta. And they are technically right to do so. Well actually, they're wrong. Grits and polenta are dishes prepared from corn meal...so they really should just be selling corn meal but that's their business. The point is, blasphemous though it may seem to some, there are grits besides hominy grits, just as there are motorcycles that aren't Harley's (more hate mail comin' my way). Just for the record I prefer hominy grits. I am after all a Georgia boy despite the fact that I was born in California. (Both my parents were from Georgia...they just got a little lost when they got married is all).

So, what are we doing? We’re fixing it of course. In fact by this time next week, Food Network will have replacement shows in their hot little tape decks.

This is the first time I’ve recalled a product for content reasons. It was a simple but negligent oversight on my part made worse by the thought that someone out there may suspect that I don’t know my grits…which is almost too much for me to bare.

Yours truly,

November 5, 2004
Philadelphia, PA

posted by Alton Brown, 4:03 PM
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Warning: if you’ve received an email from me ... you probably didn’t.

I recently discovered that someone has taken out email accounts with addresses containing my name. The person or persons responsible may have sent out emails to people who made random guesses as to how to reach me via the web. So, if you have heard from me, odds are, you didn’t hear from me. If those who were pretending to be me said anything horrible, I certainly am sorry. If caught (and of course they won’t be) but, if caught I hope the responsible parties will be forced to live on the South Beach diet for an entire month. I know that may seem like cruel and unusual punishment but goshdarnit identity theft is an ugly thing.

Just thought you oughta know.


(As far as I know, this blog hasn’t been hacked ... but hey, you never know.)

posted by Alton Brown, 5:10 PM
Monday, July 11, 2005
Dear Tom Cruise,
Your lack of belief in the existence of clinical depression tells me one thing: you didn’t spend $10 to see War Of The Worlds. If vitamins can possibly help me out of this spiraling funk, please let me know which ones. Dinos? Pebbles? Freds?

Please, I’m crying out for help.

Alton Brown

posted by Alton, 10:39 AM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Some of you may have noticed that the “contact” button is gone from my web site and that my rant calling for refrigerator pics is gone. Here’s why: although many of you sent in some really nice pics and insightful, fun emails some of you decided to send vulgar, nasty, frightening messages and images. I always knew there was ugliness and meanness out there but you know what, I don’t have to give you a place to put it. So, the portal is closed and will remain so. If you harvested the address, don’t bother using it because it will simply dump your mail into oblivion.
I’m disappointed, upset, disillusioned, and upgrading my security system. To those who wanted to play nice, I sure am sorry but life’s just too short to drink poison.

posted by Alton
3:45 PM

So for those of you who are asking, "Who's Alton Brown?" Perhaps this will help:

Alton Brown’s flair in the kitchen developed early with guidance from his mother and grandmother, a budding culinary talent he skillfully used later "as a way to get dates" in college. Switching gears as an adult, Alton spent a decade working as a cinematographer and video director, but realized that he spent all his time between shoots watching cooking shows, which he found to be dull and uninformative. Convinced that he could do better, Alton left the film business and moved to Vermont to train at the New England Culinary Institute in Montpelier, VT. Soon after, Alton tapped all of his training to create Good Eats, a smart and entertaining food show that blends wit with wisdom, history with pop culture and science with common cooking sense. Alton not only writes and produces the shows but also stars in each offbeat episode on Food Network.

In addition, he hosts the American edition (as opposed to the original Japanese edition) of Iron Chef.

As for Takeshi Kaga, in addition to Ryori no tetsujin, he has also appeared in a Pokemon movie. Cool.

From the Ontario Empoblog (Latest OVVA news here)

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