Only Madonna could get a Russian Orthdox priest to vent in Pravda

September 11, 2006

Say it isn't so:

"This lady has been glorifying human passions with the help of religious symbols for years — crosses, statues and beads. Now she thinks it is time for her to crucify herself in public. It means the singer is in need of spiritual help," Father Vsevolod Chaplin, a spokesman for the Russian Orthodox Church, was quoted as saying by the Pravda news Web site.

Of course, Madonna is not Russian Orthodox. Not at all:

Deep in prayer and contemplation, the moneyed Beverly Hills disciples of the Kabbalah sect were recently stirred from their meditation by the faint but unmistakable sound of snoring.

Hunched in his seat at their meeting, his unshaven chin on his chest and a white trucker's cap pulled down over his face, was the familiar figure of Guy Ritchie, clearly enjoying forty winks.

His unscheduled nap (he was suffering the effects of jetlag and a particularly physical jujitsu wrestling session) was greeted by good-natured grins from his fellow worshippers.

All, that is, except one. His wife Madonna. According to those present, she refused to crack a smile.

Back to the U.S.S.R. (See, I told you this randomness was planned.) Gridskipper links to Digital Spy, but I like how Gridskipper prefaced the story better:

The concert, after a protracted row with city officials, will take place at the Luzhniki stadium where more than 40,000 fans will gather to watch the 48 year-old singer grab her crotch then talk about the Kabbalah, then maybe sing a ditty or two. For many Moscovites, Madonna's concert will be the best in their lives but it might also be their last. According to the stadium's architect, Nodar Kancheli, the "stadium could collapse if audio frequency resonates with the vibration frequency of the building. The sound waves could damage the structure."

So if you hear of a Russian stadium collapse, remember...you heard it here...fourth. (Apparently Attu Sees All also ran this.)