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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Ken, Where Art Thou? 


The same person who posted the Bush fraternity story has also posted a Where Are They Now? story on Ken. Excerpts:


While Ken always had different outfits for every event, he was starting to wear outfits that were increasingly bizarre. He’d show up in a pink t-shirt, white dance oxfords and magenta leg-warmers stating that he was “Super Dance Ken”. Or dress like a sailor for a night out on the town and tell Barbie that “I’m your Sea-Lovin’ Ken tonight!” Barbie was definitely taken aback by what was seeming like an entirely different lifestyle for him. He had always been very active and outdoorsy, but, he was going to the gym constantly, and afterwards would stare longingly in the mirror and call himself “Great Shape Ken”....

Barbie was convinced that Ken’s indecision and lack of direction were due to dissatisfaction with her. It was the only thing that would make any sense. In order to show Ken what depth she had, in 1990, she held The Barbie Summit in New York City, where children from around the world discussed poverty, world hunger, environmental issues and an overwhelming desire to have peace across the globe. So proud of having made a difference, Barbie rushed to Ken’s Malibu beach estate (which looked strangely like her beach house crudely painted blue) where she found a note from Ken, saying that he had enlisted in the Navy and would return in six months. Pinned to the note was a photo of Ken in an adorable sailor suit....

When Ken returned from the Orient, he reintroduced himself to her as “Magic Earring Ken”. Barbie immediately ran off and began crying. How could she have let herself be so stupid? It was so obvious that Ken was gay! She should have known when they never got married, or even engaged, or that they have never had sex, or even fooled around....

He explained that he loved her dearly and would do anything for her. But, the simple fact of the matter was that Ken was asexual. Due to a castration he received as part of his fraternity hazing in college, he just didn’t have those kinds of thoughts or feelings towards anyone. His carefree attitude stemmed from the fact that he really didn’t get all worried and pent up with sexual feelings. He couldn’t : he never had any.



Reminds me of something that was on TV long ago:


[Michael Jackson] became an easy mark for snide remarks, one of the more famous ones being Eddie Murphy, removing the trousers on a Michael Jackson doll and finding no penis, saying "anatomically correct!" to great applause.


Back to Ken and his breakup with Barbie. Here's how the Communists at CNN reported it:


After 43 years as one of the world's prettiest pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple's "business manager," Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken "feel it's time to spend some quality time -- apart."

"Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end," said Arons, who quickly added that the duo "will remain friends."



But the baby seal clubbers at Fox spun it this way:


"The flame of love has gone out," said Ken's publicist, A. Russell Arons — who doubles as Mattel Inc.'s vice president of marketing for Barbie. "The tolls of Hollywood romance are well known."


From the Ontario Empoblog (Latest OVVA news here)



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