OVVA Executive - Ketch Me If You Kan

I know that you're lying in bed awake at night, wondering, "Why hasn't the Ontario Village Association done anything this year?" Well, there's three reasons.

OVVA Executive Relocates to Alaska

In a surprise move, the Second Vice President of the OVVA has relocated to Alaska. This was a surprise move even to said Vice President. But it's true:

Just visiting some Alaska Blogs, checking them out and letting people know about my blog: Alaska Breaking News

I am in Kenai and it's almost -30 below!

Marc

posted by mtheiler : Thursday, January 26, 2006 11:15:16 PM

Yes, I now live in Alaska, although next time I make such a move I'll do it in the summer rather than in the winter. The weather up here hasn't improved since November 1. Not at all:

Forecast for Northern Arctic Coast
Updated: 11:13 am AST on January 27, 2006
Wind Chill Advisory in effect until 6 PM AST this afternoon...

Today
Areas of ice fog in the morning. Snow showers. Snow accumulation around 1 inch. Highs 10 below to 15 below. West winds 15 to 20 mph. Wind chill to 50 below.

Tonight
Snow showers. Snow accumulation around 1 inch. Lows 15 below to 20 below zero. West winds around 15 mph.

Saturday
Mostly cloudy. Chance of snow. Areas of fog. Highs 10 to 15 below. Northwest winds around 15 mph.

Saturday Night
Mostly cloudy. Chance of snow. Areas of fog. Lows 20 to 25 below. Northwest winds around 15 mph.

Sunday
Mostly cloudy. Chance of snow. Areas of fog. Highs 15 below to 20 below. Northwest winds 10 to 15 mph.

Sunday Night
Mostly cloudy. Chance of snow. Areas of fog. Lows near 25 below.

Monday
Mostly cloudy. Highs near 15 below.

Monday Night
Mostly cloudy. Lows near 25 below.

Tuesday
Mostly cloudy. Highs near 15 below.

Tuesday Night
Mostly cloudy. Lows near 25 below.

Wednesday
Mostly cloudy. Highs near 15 below.

Wednesday Night
Mostly cloudy. Lows near 25 below.

Thursday
Mostly cloudy. Highs near 15 below.

As I used to say back when I lived in Southern California, "Bummer, d00d."

OVVA Executive Goes on the Dole

As you may recall, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association proposed lowering the minimum wage to four dollars and fifty six cents a day, which happens to be the new minimum wage in Juárez, Mexico. And it stands to reason that OVVA members should put their money where their mouth is. Or perhaps it's the other way around.

So I'm living on $4.56 a day. All right and fine if you live in Juárez, but I moved to Alaska (see above). And $4.56 doesn't go so far:

Going to an Alaska grocery store for the first time? Expect a little sticker shock.

Here is what it would cost to feed a family of four, with two children age 6 to 11....

For comparison, the same groceries would cost $94 in Portland, Ore., a commonly used comparison city where transportation costs are much lower....

Location Weekly grocery bill
Anchorage Municipality $107
Bethel $187
Cordova $163
Delta $132
Dutch Harbor $167
Fairbanks $120
Haines $155
Homer $144
Juneau $124
Kenai-Soldotna $128
Ketchikan $116
Kodiak $142
Mat-Su $119
Naknek-King Salmon $214
Nome $173
Seward $132
Sitka $128
Tok $117

$214 in Naknek-King Salmon? Ouch. Needless to say, it's hard to connect with the other OVVA members via conference call.

OVVA Executive Holding Breath for a Very Long Time

But the effects of the lower wage pale in comparison to the effects of another OVVA proposal:

"After extensive analysis, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association is proposing to couple our proposed ban on fossil fuels with a ban on all emissions of carbon dioxide throughout the city of Ontario.

"Naysayers have pointed out that carbon dioxide is emitted by humans, and that the proposed ban would be cumbersome to people living in the city, including the residents that are to benefit from OVVA's proposals. To those naysayers, I simply ask - are you willing to tolerate carbon dioxide emissions in your own home?"

Cumbersome, schmothersome. I just figured I'd hold my breath. For a long, long time. Luckily I don't work in Ontario, so I was able to emit these poisonous gases whenever I left the city. But it was still tough.

So I have to admit that I was pleased to relocate to Barrow, Alaska - until I discovered the existence of the Barrow Village Association, a group that makes the Ontario Vineyard Village Association look like schoolchildren, and the Ontario Mountain Village Association look like toddlers. They ban bicycles because the rubber may flake off, their minimum wage is $1.12 per week. However, their carbon dioxide emission ban is the same as OVVA's - there isn't much you can do to make that stricter.

It's hard to get to Fairbanks to exhale, but I do it every once in a while.

Despite these hardships, the Ontario Vineyard Village Association continues to be hard at work, making the Ontario Mountain Village Association look like a bunch of amateurs. If I ever return from my Alaskan sojourn, perhaps I should join the OMVA and convince them to put some backbone in their proposals.

If nothing else, maybe they'll let me borrow some really cool equipment.