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Thursday, April 27, 2006

Egads - The Surfer Movie 


I gotta write my movie script.

Not that I'm any good at writing movie scripts. Heck, even simple dialogue is challenging. And I can't spin a story like The Hot Librarian or Inland Empress WHO IS THREATENING TO LEAVE US DANG IT.

Excuse me, let me recover.

So perhaps, instead of writing an entire script, I should write an abstract or a pitch or whatever the heck they call it. But even this is challenging, since I want to write a movie with a surfing backdrop. I have three strikes against me concerning this:
  • I have never gotten near a surfboard in the water. This in itself isn't necessarily debiliating - Brian Wilson never surfed until the 1970s - but it does pose some challenges.

  • I did not grow up in a surfing area. Thus my command of the lingo is non-existent.

  • The use of the word "lingo" in the last bullet should have clued you in to the third issue. I am 44 years old. Thus, any attempt to write appealing dialogue will be atrociously warped by my cluelessness about the proper...lingo.

But I'll probably go ahead and try anyway. I have the basic story. Girl and Other Girl hang around the beach a lot, where Girl gets all dreamy over Surfer. Boy and Other Boy are respectively interested in Girl and Other Girl, but Girl won't give Boy the time of day because he's not a hot surfer like Surfer. But Surfer is full of himself and doesn't give Girl the time of day. In fact, Surfer has issues (I haven't decided whether he has a fear of people, or a Howard Hughes clean fetish) and his dialogue shouldn't be hard to write, because I figure he probably won't say much of anything. In the end, Girl realizes that Boy is better than Surfer, and they hang together (not necessarily hanging ten or hanging five or whatever you call it).

So let's see if I can do this. I'll just write a sample scene from the first half of the movie. I'll also try to write in some product placements so the film will make some money even if my writing stinks. I hope this sounds somewhat modern and Californian:


OTHER GIRL: Wanna Coke?
GIRL: Sure, but could you get my a Baskin Robbins ice cream also?
OTHER GIRL: Sure. Lemme - Egads! Trouble!

[BOY and OTHER BOY walk up with Steve Martin arrows through their heads.]

GIRL: Like, WHAT are you guys doing?
BOY: We are -
BOY/OTHER BOY: TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS!
OTHER GIRL: That's so funny I forgot to laugh.
GIRL: People are staring at us! Take those things off!
OTHER GIRL: Let's just go and get that Coke and Baskin Robbins.
GIRL: Hey! Look!

[SURFER walks up from the water.]

GIRL [smiling]: Uh, hi.

[SURFER keeps on walking.]

OTHER GIRL [quickly]: How's the water this morning?
SURFER: Gnarly.

[SURFER walks to his Datsun 280Z.]

GIRL: Why won't he talk to me?
BOY: He doesn't talk to anybody.
GIRL: Oh, go away!
OTHER GIRL: Come on, the Baskin Robbins is waiting for you.



Uh...at least the term "gnarly" wasn't a 70's term. I think I made it to the 80's with that one.

From the Ontario Empoblog (Latest OVVA news here)

Comments:
Yeah, "gnarly" was definitely 80s. I forgot that one on my post this morning.

Thanks for the link to Hot Librarian ~ She is hilarious!!!! Gotta read it every day now.
 
I can't remember if I blogged about this, but THL had an excellent Sunday School story:

Yesterday I worked in the 3-5 year old children's church class. (yes, I go to church, yes, I work with kids, yes.)...We watched a little video about the Easter story. At the part where Jesus dies on the cross and then they bury him in the tomb (which looked like a cave in the video), the narrator on the video asked the kids, "What happened to Jesus?" and Tristan, who was sitting next to me (and who is one of the cutest little boys I've ever seen, with the biggest ears I've ever seen) whispered slyly to me, "I know how Jesus died...he got eaten by a bear in that cave, didn't he?"
 
Yeah, you blogged it... cracked me UP! The best part was that she said YES! lol
 
Oh yeah. Less than two weeks ago. What's my name again?
 
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