I'm in Congress, and You're Not
Decry, decry, decry (emphasis mine):


U.S. lawmakers took swings at Major League Baseball's approach to player steroid use as commissioner Bud Selig told a congressional hearing today that its drug policy ``is as good as any in professional sports.''...

Sammy Sosa, one of the game's premier home run hitters, said in a written statement before testifying that he never used ``illegal performance-enhancing drugs.''



Just the legal ones, or the ones that don't enhance performance (only augment it).


In statements released yesterday, two other witnesses, Rafael Palmeiro and Frank Thomas, specifically denied taking steroids. Canseco, in a book published last month, accused them and other star players of using the substances....

The hearing gave a group of lawmakers, many of whom called themselves baseball fans, a chance to criticize and caution America's national pastime over the use of steroids by players.

``For 30 years Major League Baseball has told us to trust them, but the league hasn't honored that trust,'' said Representative Henry Waxman of California, the committee's ranking Democrat....

The committee's chairman, Republican Representative Tom Davis of Virginia, defended the role of Congress in exploring baseball's internal testing and disciplinary process. Baseball and its players union ``greeted word of our inquiry first as a nuisance, then as a negotiation,'' he said.

``I think they misjudged our seriousness of purpose. I think they misjudged the will of an American public who believes that sunshine is the best disinfectant,'' Davis said.
...

Donald Hooten blamed steroids for the death of his son Taylor, who killed himself 20 months ago. Steroids ``played a significant role in causing the severe depression that resulted in his suicide,'' he said. ``In tens of thousands of homes across America our 16- and 17-year-olds are injecting themselves with anabolic steroids, just like you big-leaguers do.''...

Schilling accused Canseco...of saying anything to sell books. ``I hope the committee recognizes the danger of possibly glorifying the so-called author scheduled to testify today or by indirectly assisting him to sell more books through his claim that what he is doing is somehow good for this country or the game of baseball,''...

Notably absent from today's hearing is Barry Bonds, who holds the single-season record with 73 homers in 2001 and is threatening to break Hank Aaron's career mark of 755. Bonds wasn't summoned to appear....

The World Anti-Doping Agency's code, used by most Olympic- level sports, calls for a two-year suspension for the first positive test followed by a lifetime ban for a second positive....

Gary Wadler, associate professor of clinical medicine at New York University School of Medicine...said the baseball policy can ``best be described as one of incrementalism, one designed to silence its critics'' without changing player behavior.

Calling star players to testify prompted complaints of grandstanding against Davis and Waxman. Davis and Waxman said the panel has wide-ranging jurisdiction and good reason to examine the steroids issue to help get the word out to young people to avoid the drugs.

Congress has some leverage with Major League Baseball because it could take away the sport's unique antitrust exemption. The exemption allows Major League Baseball to prohibit franchise moves.



A lot is made of this anti-trust exemption, but how has the lack of an anti-trust exemption hurt the NFL? Yes, the NFL lost its case against the USFL...and had to pay an entire dollar in damages.

One of two things will happen as a result of these hearings:

  • The owners and union will argue that Congress is wrong, and that their anti-steroid policy is absolutely wonderful, and please don't take our anti-trust exemption.

  • The owners and union will admit that Congress is right, say that they will really really do something now, and please don't take our anti-trust exemption


Meanwhile, Tom Davis and Henry Waxman will write to their constituents, saying, "I am an American hero." Or perhaps they'll ask for funding for a study of the effects of meaningless hearings upon a Representative's fundraising ability the insidious effect of MLB steroid use upon our nation's impressionable youth.

Frankly, we would have been a lot better off if, instead of having this hearing, someone would have stuck Nancy Reagan behind a podium and had her pronounce "Just say no." Nancy probably would have been more effective.

Plus, it's amusing to compare one Tom Davis with another, (to me) more famous Tom Davis (again, emphasis mine):


Tom Davis can still do a mean Al Franken impersonation.

Their friendship began at Blake School and continued as they performed irreverent comedy acts at Dudley Riggs. They then became the writing backbone of "Saturday Night Live," together creating some of the show's most memorable skits.

The relationship blew up in the early 1990s, and now they seldom see each other. They have rarely spoken about the breakup....

Davis said the split was partially the result of his drug and alcohol use. Franken acknowledges that someone close to him was in Alcoholics Anonymous (a theme dealt with in Franken's movie "When a Man Loves a Woman" with Meg Ryan), and Franken, in Al-Anon, tried to get Davis into treatment, too.

"I still smoke and drink and that's become uncomfortable for Al," said Davis. "I will say this about Al: He never cared about drugs. But he was certainly a good sport about drugs."



Now to imagine lanky comedian Tom Davis on steroids - now THAT'S funny.

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