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Friday, February 20, 2004


Inland Empire Launches Attack on Los Angeles
OK, so the LALA Times is clearly marked as a satirical website, but let's forget that little tidbit of information for a moment. We're invading Ellay!

Inland Empire Launches Attack on Los Angeles

WITH EMPIRE TROOPS OUTSIDE POMONA — The Inland Empire's forces swept into strategic positions today in their mission to liberate "the people of Los Angeles."

Tensions between the Inland Empire and Los Angeles reached a peak a couple weeks ago when negotiations failed between the two counties and the Inland Empire cut off Los Angeles' water supply. The water rights issue stirred long-simmering political animosities, paving the way for an invasion known as "Operation: Angelinos Freedom."

During an engagement between Empire troops and Los Angeles loyalists, the 13th Infantry Division managed to breach the county line, then prepared for stiff resistance from the residents of Pomona. Elsewhere, there have been reports that the Empire's 7th Marine Division broke through the San Gabriel pass and is leading a two-pronged attack on Azusa and Monrovia.

Checkpoints were set up in Diamond Bar and Glendora to ensure the smooth transition of civilian populations into less-volatile zones. And refugee camps were established across the county line, but so far there have been few takers among Angelinos, who are nonchalant about reports of an incursion....

Don Bleitzenkreig, Inland Empire president, spoke about the war and its overall mission. "Our gripe is not with the good people of Los Angeles. It is with everything that Los Angeles stands for: violence, corruption, decadence, style, egocentrism, vanity, entertainment, culture, wealth — oh, and tofu smoothies. We believe that most Angelinos do not want this to be their fate, so we have embarked on their liberation!"...

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