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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Does Bean Runt wear small shoes? 

If this were a hospital, I would present the material below in an orderly fashion.

I am capable of doing this, as my previous post about Joyce "Troutgirl" Park indicates.

Actually, I am presenting this in an orderly fashion, but perhaps the order isn't apparent to the casual reader. (Think of the order of the White Album and you'll be in sync.)

Let's start with this blog post written on November 14, 2006:

If you want further proof that this language of ours is utter chaos, then here is something that was written by Dr. Gerald Nolst Trenite (1870-1946), a Dutch observer of English.

Try reading this aloud and try and imagine how hard it would be for a NON native english person. Apparantly a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself....

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

You caught the key word in that post, didn't you? Hint: rhymes with booze.

Now let's go to the same blog and find a poultry joke from October 4, 2006.

Over the coming weeks I am going to be attempting my very first viral campaign.

A viral campaign is something that has interested me for a long time, and if done properly it can be one of the most powerful tools any webmaster has.

So what is a viral campaign?

For this viral campaign I have chosen Bird Flu. My aim will be to get an infected chicken and take it to Asda with me at peak hours.

Laugh with me.

Now let's move to a post on another blog dated December 13, 2006:

[S]ome no-name just getting started in the world of SEO...recently posted a letter that he claims to have received from an on-line business owner. In the letter, the business owner says that [no-name's] site is ranking better on some term (we’re not told) that is important to his business, and asks [no-name] to remove himself from the rankings on that term.

[no-name] wrote the man back and told him to stuff it, basically. The man wrote back again and this time threatened legal action if he does not remove himself from the google rankings.

I call BS.

But on the very same day, InfoWorld covered the story differently:

Suppose you're an online vendor who's displeased with the ranking of your business Web site on Google. Well, you could try tweaking your ad words. Perhaps you could consider better marketing. Heck, maybe you could contact Google for answers or guidance. You might get lucky.

Or you might conclude that the best approach is to ask that people with higher-ranked sites de-Google themselves immediately.

Astonishingly, an unnamed e-merchant out there in cyberspace has taken the latter approach, sending threatening letters to blogger [no-name]. ([no-name's] blog, by the way, is called "[no-name-o's] World - Internet Marketing, Madrid, Life, SEO & More." It appears to cover all types of topics.)

Including search engine optimization. Here's more from InfoWorld:

While we wait to hear from Mr. Nutjob's attorney, how about we speculate on just what search term he wants to claim as his own? My co-worker Stephanie suggested it's SEO, which is in the title of [no-name's] blog. SEO stands for search engine optimization, and apparently, [no-name] knows a thing or two about that subject -- at least relative to others out there.

On a completely related topic, your National Institutes of Health is reporting things that real or ersatz online shoe salespeople need to know:

BJU Int. 2002 Oct;90(6):586-7. Links
Can shoe size predict penile length?Shah J, Christopher N.
Department of Urology, St. Mary's Hospital, London, UK. jyoti.shah@ic.ac.uk

OBJECTIVE: To establish if the 'myth' about whether the size of a man's penis can be estimated from his shoe size has any basis, in fact. SUBJECTS AND METHODS: Two urologists measured the stretched penile length of 104 men in a prospective study and related this to their shoe size. RESULTS: The median stretched penile length for the sampled population was 13 cm and the median UK shoe size was 9 (European 43). There was no statistically significant correlation between shoe size and stretched penile length. CONCLUSION: The supposed association of penile length and shoe size has no scientific basis.

Postscript: as far as I know, I am the first person to use the phrase "Bean Runt" as a proper name. Other persons interested in viral marketing may want to jump on the bandwagon also.

From the Ontario Empoblog (Latest OVVA news here)

The entire midterm election was a viral campaign! Interesting, though. :)
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