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Saturday, July 15, 2006

Mission Statements 

Mission statements are like cool and stuff, and are like really neato bandito. And everybody has them.

Here's the introduction to BYU's mission statement:

The mission of Brigham Young University--founded, supported, and guided by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--is to assist individuals in their quest for perfection and eternal life.

But there are other ways of life:

The mission of the International Hapkido Federation (IHF) is to be the world's leading Hapkido organization by promoting and instructing its members in the philosophy and technique of traditional Hapkido as it has been handed down from Master to student throughout the centuries.

And there are mission statements for the young:

Peace Pals is a program designed to encourage young people ages 5-15 to become peacemakers dedicated to living in the spirit of the words May Peace Prevail on Earth.

But not everybody is dedicated to peace alone:

The military mission of the Naval Air Warfare Center Weapons Division (NAWCWD), as an integral member of the Naval Aviation Systems Command TEAM, is to provide our Armed Forces with effective and affordable integrated warfare systems and life-cycle support to ensure battlespace dominance by performing RDT&E, logistics, and in-service support for guided missiles, free-fall weapons, targets support equipment, crew systems, and electronic warfare systems; by integrating weapons and avionics on tactical aircraft;by operating the Navy's Western Land and Sea Range Test and Evaluation Complex; and by applying new technologies to ensure battlespace superiority.

Pretty long, innit? But they're not all long:

There is no single rule on how to write a mission statement. There are long mission statements and there are very short ones. In fact, one of the shortest mission statements simply says “To love our customer to death”!

Unfortunately, I couldn't find the author of this mission statement? Was it a combination whorehouse/funeral home? Well, the Interionational Sex Worker Foundation has a mission statement, and the Pennsylvania Board of Funeral Directors has a mission statement, but they're very different.

From the Ontario Empoblog (Latest OVVA news here)

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